Don't Forget

Dear Zander
Hello  I'm writing this 16 years, 11 months, and 9 days from where you are right now. I know it's a lot to take in but the easiest way is just by simply opening your eyes and letting the light in. Yes, your house isn't much to look at but it's keeping you out of the rain that is pounding on the windows. The bed you were born on is old and lumpy and reflects the feel of the rest of the house. Yet it has its own beauty, get to know it as much as you can before you forget. In roughly 3 years your mother will take you to a new home. This home is going to be larger and has less holes in the wall. However, it won't be as beautiful as your old one. Even though life is moving continue to keep taking pictures with your eyes and your mind. Remember the lake, the cliff, and even the two dogs that were chained in the front yard and barked at you. Remember the new adults playing soccer with you, or your foster siblings playing in the water.

Over the year you will be talked to by many new people don't be shy it's all going to work out in the end. The fancy lady in a suit isn't scary even though she's as tall as the cliff down the road. She will take pictures of you, if you smile I promise they'll smile back. After a little bit the woman in the suit will take you to a new place to introduce you to some more new people. Make sure to give them each a big hug for me because they're your mother and brother and you'll grow to love them more then the world. Don't forget any of these moments, like the hotel room with 2 beds covered in white sheets, and a window that gave a view to the world. Don't forget the dirt road that the local market was taking place on or the smell of freshly made tortillas and pollo. All these days will go by in a flash and if you forget to take the pictures you're going to forget the introduction to your story.

The following years will involve you flying in a big airplane into a new world. One that promises you so much more then what you would have had back in Guatemala. You will once again have a new home, but this on has a backyard and more then one room. There are trees, new animals and sights, and best of all new people. You're going to be sent to a preschool that speaks your native language. I know I stress it a lot but please remember, remember those words the way the "r's" roll of your tongue and actually being able to hold a conversation. You will go to that school for 2 years before you begin Kindergarten.

The first day of Kindergarten will forever change your life for the better, because this is going to be the day you meet your best friend. You will walk right into class and he spots you and says "Hello, my name is Lawrence, want to be friends?" and it is dire that you accept because you'll be needing him. Make sure you keep remembering every moment of your life. Remember that right after nap time you race to the carpet but not too fast because you want to be third (third is the one with the treasure chest). The rest of elementary school you are going to find the rest of your best friends. Two of them it will take you years to figure out who is who, but the 4th you won't realize is one of them for a little bit longer.

Elementary school is going to fly by quickly and it is necessary that you remember the time you and Lawrence got into a fight with another person in 1st grade, and the promise you'll make that day that will live with you for the rest of your life "[I] Will never get into a fight again or hurt somebody on purpose". In middle school you will have the easiest academic years of your life but the hardest social years. You might think the only way to be liked is by being mean to other kids, or to stop talking to your other friends, this is so far from the truth. Being "popular" in middles school isn't worth losing your best friends. Don't forget the bus rides with the cross country team or the friends that will move away.

You will only have to be in Urbana Middle School for 2 years before you go to another school called Uni. Uni isn't going to be easy, you will struggle to keep your grades from failing and sometimes not be able to do it. But this is where my most important lesson comes in. If one day you forget everything, promise me, promise me that you won't forget this: You are not alone, even on the stormiest day there is always someone for you, to help you and console you. You are loved and will always be loved. I know some days it won't feel like this, it might feel like there is nothing and nobody but there is. They might not know you need them ask for them and they will be at your side. And remember that you are not the only one who sometimes feels like that, there are others and it is your job to make sure they know they are loved and not alone. Laugh, smile, joke, help them forget about  their sadness even if it's for a second it will help them a lot. Finally, don't regret and mistakes you have and will make. It will teach you a lesson you'll never forget. Have fun, you're going to do amazing things.

Love, Zander

The Name Game

 Alexander Cruz Higgs was not the name I was born with. Rather this starts the same way all the stories of my life start. With me not being in the United States, but rather in the small town of San Andres, El Petén, Guatemala. I was born into the world being called, Alexander Cruz Gutierrez, Cruz was my biological mothers middle name. The funny thing is that Gutierrez is one of the only Spanish words I can pronounce without sounding like the whitest person in the world. It flows off my tongue as if it was what I was meant to say. For the time being my name is Alexander Cruz Higgs

Names are weird things, we just look at something and call it by a name and all the sudden it has a place on our heart. The name then morphs into whatever has it. Meaning that when you hear that name you can immediately associate it with that person or thing and if it isn’t in reference to that specific object it really confuses you. Names usually come from a deep part of a person for example when a parent names their child they usually think of a name that has a significant meaning to them. Maybe after a relative, a specific moment, or a flower anything that brings happiness to them. The child would then have to live with whatever name is given to them, and start to change the past memories that were associated with the name and make new ones and redefine that name. That being said sometimes names just don’t belong to people.

For example, when I was first adopted my adoptive mother wanted to name me Zander. It’s hard for me to imagine this because I can only think of myself as Alexander, or Alex. Thinking that I could have had a different name completely changes what I think of the world. My name would have been way more unique, I am yet to meet another Zander, and I would never mistake my name for someone else’s. I am called Zander but that is only by my immediate family, and honestly, I wouldn’t mind if my really close friends called me it, but it’s a name that not everyone is allowed to use. It also doesn’t feel like my name, I didn’t do anything to earn it, I didn’t shape that name into a human being it is simply just a name that another child should get the choice to mold. I like Alexander.

The name Alexander is a strong and powerful name. Some of the most successful people that helped shape the world we lived in were named by that name. Alexander means “Defender of man” or “Protector of the People”. Most people don’t pay attention to the original meaning of one’s name. But if they were it might help them understand the person better. I personally believe I was named the right name, I like to do everything I can do to help people. Yes, I might not be fighting off waves and waves of aliens and saving the people of Chicago, but I think I do my part in protecting people. Even the simplest names have a deep meaning, like John for example means to be gracious. This is only on a first name basis though, on average people have 3 names: a first, middle, and Last. That doesn’t mean that everybody has 3. Some may have 4 and so on.

My middle name is Cruz. It is the only Hispanic name that identifies me as a Hispanic person in my opinion. I remember one date distinctly in elementary school. It was my birthday, October 18. And I had to get up early and dress up fancily get in the car and drive to Chicago. When this was happening to me I had no idea what was happening. My mother just gave me some clothes including a clip-on tie and she combed my hair. I got in the back seat with my brother and the black Toyota Echo was on the road. We arrived to what I assume was a court house and we went in. I sat in the lobby with my brother being bored out of my mind. My mom had told me in the car that I was going to be called in and they were going to ask me a few questions on including which middle name I wanted; Cruz or James. I didn’t understand the significance of this at the time but I knew I wanted to be called Cruz. My adoptive brother’s middle name was James and his had an “A” name as well so that would make the initials the exact same thing. I thought it would be cool to have the same name as my brother but when they asked me the question something inside me told me to say “Cruz” and that’s how Cruz is my middle name.

 This just leaves one more name that I have, my last name. The last name I have now isn’t too common, or at least not to my knowledge. I have never met another Higgs who isn’t in my family. Yes, there is this thing called the “Higgs Bosom” but I have never met the creator of that idea, and no I am not related to them. The only reason why I resent my last name is because it kind of gets rid the last bit of my ancestry. It was the last thing connecting me from the Guatemalan roots, but now it’s all gone. If I were to visit I would be known as “Mr. Higgs” and they would never think that I was born there. When I grow up and have kids of my own I want to give them Gutierrez, or give myself it. They are some of the most opposite names though. Higgs an uncommon English name and Gutierrez a common Spanish last name. 

That is the story of my name to my the best of my knowledge. Now I must ask, do you like your name? Would you change it? What's the story behind your name? Is there ever a name you hear and then just fall in love with it? 

KitKat Story

Here is some context for the story I’m going to tell you. Every year I go to this camp in northern Minnesota for a week in the middle of June. The camp is for people who are going into 7^th-12^th grade. The camp is associated with my religion, Unitarian Universalism. Unitarians come from all over the country to come to this camp.  The camp is on an island in one of the many lakes that Minnesota contains.

This year was my 5^th year of going to this camp, I only have one more left. The camp does an excellent job of keeping the same group of kids together throughout the years, in order for us to create a special bind that is hard to explain to others. My cabin, the juniors, had a big responsibility this year, we had to run most of the camp. We organized canteen (Snack in the middle of the day), and run the talent show at the end of the week. It was during canteen when this story starts:

It was Friday the last full day of camp before the campers headed back the next morning. This is a very emotional time for the campers. The Junior class was organizing the canteen in unique shapes to make it interesting but it was hard because throughout the week they were running out of candy and drinks to give the campers. There were half stars of Snickers, unfinished pyramids of Nerds, and other variety of candies scattered around. Campers were already lining up anxiously, hoping that they were get something to eat. One camper came up to one of the Juniors and asked him to save her a KitKat. Those two had a connection throughout the week but never did anything about it. The Junior said he would, so he snuck a KitKat into his pocket and hid it from others.

After all the candy was scavenged and picked to the bone all the campers had to head to their cabin and begin cleanup. Sometimes campers keep their candy to give to the inspectors who come by to make sure the cabin is cleaned up. The Junior who had the KitKat in his pocket forgot about it as he was cleaning his cabin with his cabinmates. He only realized it was still in his pocket when felt the squish of melted chocolate in his sweatpants pocket. He decided it would be best to put it in the freezer to try and solidify the chocolate. He left it there to freeze over dinner and the talent show.

After the talent show and the cabin meeting the junior went and fetched the KitKat from the cabin. He then went in search of the other camper. He first went to the cabin next door which was full of people but he couldn’t find here there, so he went down to the dock. The dock was barren, cold, and slightly intimating with the cry of the loon out in the water. He decided to head back to the cabin and hang out with friends assuming that he would meet up with her sometime during the night. The special thing about the last night of camp is that there is no curfew the campers were allowed to go anywhere and stay up all night.

Each year the seniors of the camp have a project they work on. Like fixing up the sidewalks, building a shelter of some kind. This year the seniors fixed up the rotten gazebo. The repainted it, built new benches for it, and even put lights in it. They finished it earlier that day, the Junior was eager to see it but he didn’t want to go alone, so he went he asked the group of people if anyone wanted to go with him but only one person said they wanted to. The person who answered was the girl. The one who had asked from the KitKat. They went down together, tripping in the dark, running into spider webs, but they finally made it.

In the Gazebo, they struggled to find the light switch and see how beautiful it actually was. They had both failed to bring flashlights, and then decided to leave and grab on of the lantern that was staked into the ground and used it as a torch. After fumbling around, they found the switch for the Gazebo and stood in awe of the lights and the newly refurbished building. It was at this time that the Junior decided it was an appropriate time to give her the KitKat. Granted it had been in his pocket for an hour so it had started to melt again.

Skip through the night they stayed up all night walking through camp talking and really having enjoyed themselves. In the end both of them succumbed to need to sleep and fell asleep on the dock. They woke up to the sun rising, turning the water to an orange color. They parted one went to Kansas and the other home.